with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein
They like cow shows and hate Trudeau
(the father and the son).
They drive gigantic trucks to work
(electric cars are shunned).
When guys like Weibo Ludwig
Tell you something’s going wrong
You’ve got to say this show deserves a gong.
They always want to leave us,
But is Wexit really real?
I think they know America
Would drive a crappy deal.
I hate to have to say it,
But I very firmly feel
Alberta’s not an asset to the country.
I’d like to say a word on their behalf
-Alberta makes me laugh.
How do you solve a problem like Alberta?
How do you keep the oil beneath the ground?
How do you find a word that means Alberta?
A blue-eyed sheik! A cowboy! A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell them
Many a thing they ought to understand
That their little home on the range
Is quickening climate change
How do you keep the tar below the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Alberta?
How do you stop the fires they have fanned?
Carbon capture is a a joke
To send money up in smoke
And then frack their way to fucking Amsterdam!
They made forty billion bucks
And killed as many ducks
They’re all shysters! They’re all hucksters! It’s a scam!
Don’t they know their dirty oil
Will set temperatures to boil?
They could throw a Greta Thunberg out of tune
They’re so backward! They’re irate!
They made us a petro-state!
They’re a headache! They’re a scandal!
A lampoon!
How do you solve a problem like Alberta?
How do you keep the oil beneath the ground?
How do you find a word that means Alberta?
A blue-eyed sheik! A cowboy! A clown!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell them
Many a thing they ought to understand
That their little home on the range
Is quickening climate change
How do you keep the tar beneath the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Alberta?
How do you stop the fires they have fanned?
